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Oct 05, 2023

Bali has it right: ban the moped!

Ah, the freedom of the open road; the wind in your hair; the sun on your skin .

Ah, the freedom of the open road; the wind in your hair; the sun on your skin . . . Does anything say "carefree holiday larks" quite like a ride on a moped?

Well, hold your 50cc horses and save your misty-eyed sighs — because I’m not sure it does. Lest we forget, there are also the potholes of the open road; the gnats in your teeth; the possible skin graft on your thigh.

Call me a scooter-pooper but I say they’re overrated. At best a bit faster than a bike, nippier than a car. At worst a weapon of terror and destruction. And I suspect that Wayan Koster, the governor of the Indonesian island Bali, is with me. This week he announced plans to ban tourists from riding mopeds and motorcycles (perhaps e-scooters aren't the scourge there that they are here).

"You should not roam about the island using motorbikes, without wearing shirts or clothes, no helmet and even without a licence. If you are a tourist, then act like a tourist," he said. Foreigners should only be allowed to use transport provided by tourism services, he added — meaning visitors would have to stick to using cars on the island that's as well known for its traffic as its temples.

Koster's announcement follows reports that more than 170 foreign visitors were charged with traffic violations between late February and early March this year; the governor said tourists were "disorderly and they misbehave".

It's worth noting that, despite Bali's reputation for permissiveness and parties, Indonesia has recent form on the buzzkill front. In December the government introduced a law banning sex between unmarried couples. Although practically unenforceable, it's still not very Eat, Pray, Love.

All of this has rather upset visitors, leaving some outraged that they can't behave as they wish and generally putting the mope into moped.

Why all the fuss? I blame Audrey Hepburn. When she hopped on that Vespa with Gregory Peck in Roman Holiday, gleefully dodging buses and scattering pedestrians, street vendors and café tables in her wake, she made the moped look like the epitome of footloose, no-timetable emancipation.

Phil Daniels did his Quadrophenia bit to keep Lambrettas cool, nipping about "1960s" London and Brighton. In Emily in Paris, our heroine had her own moped moment — well of course she did — with a Dior-branded Vespa. At least she wore a helmet. And in the recent Sicily-set series of White Lotus, Jennifer Coolidge's character, Tanya, lived out an entire Italian fantasy, at the heart of which was a trip on a scooter à la Monica Vitti (though I must admit Tanya's fluttering chiffon scarf had me convinced it was going to be à la Isadora Duncan, with an entanglement of the non-romantic, life-limiting type).

So the allure of the moped is well established. One friend of mine fell for it in Ibiza, saying it changed her holiday because it not only meant she could visit tiny little beaches, but also because "you look supercool".

But we all know how often life matches what you see in the movies, and when it comes to scooters the reality seldom lives up to the fantasy. My first experience of hiring a scooter was in late-Nineties Goa, somewhere like Calangute or Candolim — one of those places that was full of other Lonely Planet-wielding backpackers. My boyfriend and I, suddenly struck by the notion we might find more to Goa than tie-dye and drum circles, decided to explore the coast northwards. Buses were infrequent so we’d combine recce with adventure and hire wheels. It couldn't have been easier: no one checked I had a driving licence; I think I had to request a helmet but I certainly didn't ask about anything as mundane as insurance.

And at first it was fun and exhilarating and supercool. Then it got embarrassing, when we had to board a teeny ferry across a river and I had to allow a kind Goan man to park my moped for me. Then it got terrifying, as darkness fell with a thud and we discovered the twisted sense of humour behind the scooters’ design — their lights were operated by dynamo, so the more cow-dodgingly cautious our driving, the dimmer the lights. Somehow we got back without denting palm trees, livestock or our heads; I still haven't told my mum.

The next time I got on a moped I was riding pillion across the Indonesian island Nias — a storm had shut the roads and only a two-wheeled taxi could get us from ferry to hostel. It didn't occur to me to wear my heavy backpack on my front, and it was only as the driver accelerated that I realised how tight I should have been holding on. The most serious damage done by my loss of balance was to my dignity — but there wasn't a third time for many years.

So there's the danger factor. Insurers such as World Nomads report that one of the most common claims is for injury from a motorcycle accident. And that's assuming you’re even covered — which you’re not if you don't have the correct licence you’d need both at home and where you’re hiring, for the class of vehicle you want. World Nomads general manager Jonathan Frankham points out: "You cannot insure against an illegal activity."

● Bali travel guide● The best hotels in Bali

And even if riding a moped weren't dangerous or illegal, it still doesn't make sense. In the same way that smoking looks cool but gives you bad breath and cancer, so mopeds can give you helmet hair and amputation. Maybe tinnitus too. And although you’re on holiday, you’ll wear shorts or a skirt at your peril — because even if the tarmac doesn't claim its pound of flesh, the plastic seat will. (Perhaps you needn't have bothered with that pre-departure leg wax.) So here's to Governor Koster. About Bali time.

What do you think of the proposed ban? Have you used mopeds on your holidays? Let us know in the comments below or email us at [email protected]

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